Current location: Apartment, San Juan Del Sur, Nicaragua


Price of beer in a bar: US$1.85/liter
Song currently stuck in my head: One Week (The Barenaked Ladies)

For informational purposes only, I present my holiday wish list for our situation. Some of these items assume that we stay put, others would be handy in our Kung-Fu/Highway to Heaven/Roadhouse/Stingray-esque transient lifestyle. I thought this might provide some unique insight into our daily life.

rice/slow/pressure cookers: the kitchens in our apartments are sparse but functional. A little extra convenience and capability would go a long way. All three of these items are spotted regularly during our trip.

I need a new pair of these: Luckily they’re on the way.

Surge protector: I have one of these on the way. Up until now we’ve been lucky without one, but I’m meant plenty of people with destroyed electronics due to power irregularities.

Coffee maker: whether a french press or, even better given the local grind, a drip machine, this would greatly improve my morning routine. We haven’t had one since Belize. I should just break down and buy one of those “sock on a ring on a stick” filter setups that I’ve used in these parts before.

Lenovo X301: Fuck you, Macbook Air. Daddy wants to watch DVDs.

Window screens: a rarity in this part of the world, but it would really cut down on the wasp problem in our place. We have lace curtains that really help when closed, but there are a couple of windows without them.

Surfboard: hit me.

Clothing: linen pants, good high-tech board shorts, sandals that are a single molded piece, a superlightweight rain layer, and maybe some golf or tennis wear (that’s where they hide the high-performance warm weather items). Avoid rayon and, to a lesser extent, cotton. Rayon sounds like a modern, man made fabric, right? It’s not. It’s a sham. It grows out of the ground. Even sunlight will shrink it to an unrecognizable size and shape. Mark my words, within 2 months it will have shrunk to the point that you’ll be putting it on your tiny dog when you go out for winter walks. And even he won’t be happy about it, because unlike tourists, dogs take pride in their appearance.

Workout gear: one of those over-the-door pullup bars with both the perpendicular and parallel grip would be nice. I spent years overtraining my vanity muscles (pecs, bis, tris and abs, solely) and now I’m trying to concentrate on developing the smaller connective muscles. And I just can’t pay to go into a gym to do pullups.

A blender: my rum drinks would immediately move up from “rum” to something more blendery.

Wasp spray: I have a bottle of Raid that kills a litany of winged menaces, but it’s no replacement for proper wasp spray; the kind that advertises it’s ability to knock them out of the air at 25 feet.

Jungle hammock: The surfers seem to be more ready to camp than most backpackers, due to the often remote locations of their main attraction. We may follow suit, but we don’t have a tent with us

An income: truly the gift that keeps on giving, this would come in handy.

Club Dread Soundtrack: Bill Paxon singing “Passed out flat on my ass in Pinacoladaberg, promised I’d take it slow, looks like I’ll have to break my word”. Works well in combination with the blender from earlier in the list.

Yamaha Rino: I see one of these in town all the time and it’s exactly what you need here; small, efficient, capable. I’d mount and additional seat or two in the back, removable, and get a rainscreen made in Managua.

And, as continues to be my 6 year quest, I’m still interested in purchasing 200 condoms worth of locally raised Nicaraguan pork. It can be delivered directly to the local butcher. And no, sir, I have nothing against your prostitutes, I’m sure they’re fine girls and competent service providers, but I’m only interested in hosting a cookout.


2 Responses to “Current location: Apartment, San Juan Del Sur, Nicaragua”

  1. Heather Says:

    Hope you had a Merry Christmas!

  2. Lorraine Says:

    This is going on the “Best of [redacted by moderator]” list. Good loud laughs.

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